stage4's Cancer Blog
March 14, 2007
| Chemo Postponed March 20 -More time to think, Yuck | Views: 246 |
Warning:This 1 is kind of a downer. I am usually pretty upbeat but not right now.
I am trying to mentally get ready to do the chemo thing again. Right now my brain is screaming NO! Don’t do it again! so loudly I am having a really hard time falling asleep even with 1 and 1/2 Ambien.
To anyone who sees this and has been there and can identify with the long term prognosis being pretty bad, I have a question that keeps going on in my head that I can’t shut up.
When is enough, enough? I usually have pretty up days but the closer I get back to yet another several months of dibilitating chemo ahead of me. I just ask myself when do you stop. Last time I went thru the post surgical chemo for 6 months a tumor grew during the chemo. I swore I was never doing chemo again.
After a re-occurance and another liver resection it took some convincing from my surgeon that it really does give you the best chance. I finally caved and said I would do 1 more chemo protocol but only for 3 or 4 months not the 6 he wanted. I also told him this time I would not wait until chemo was over to get another scan. I want 1 every 2 mos.
I keep saying if it comes back again am I really ready to give up. After all the fighting with the doctors that I would live after they left me for dead. I have now survived almost 2 years with stage 4 colon cancer with mets to the liver which is way above the statistics.
The chemo is worse than the cancer, If surgery was possible again I would do that but the chemo makes your life not really worth living. My daughter gets married in October so right now I am holding on for that.
Sorry for the ramblings, a pretty bad mental health day.
My e-mail if anyone wants to talk is donnarichno@yahoo.com
Chemo Postponed March 20 -More time to think, Yuck, 
3 comments)
08.22.08 - 
Diana Harper 
Thanks for your support -
Dear Donna,
Thank you so much for your post earlier today. I forwarded your information on to my mom, but today is a bad day for her as well (she went in for chemo on Monday and is currently hooked up to a fanny pack of 5-FU) so she is unlikely to respond.
I wish that I knew what to say to make your day better! My aunt’s advice to my mom (my aunt had breast cancer) was to get on a routine and make sure that you did something for yourself each day. For my aunt, she made sure that she watched the Ellen Degenres show because it made her laugh. She also suggested celebrating in some way each time you have something to celebrate – so maybe you can come up with something you will do at the end of your chemo treatment which would give you something to look forward to, a reason to just get through the treatment.
I’ll be thinking of you today and hoping that your day improves.
Warm Regards.
Donna – It is okay to have some bad days. Sometimes just venting and letting it all out makes you feel better vs trying to pretend you are feeling good. at least it helps me. as long as I don’t get stuck in those bad days. I can not relate to having to do chemo again and again, so I hope I don’t speak out of line. But I know you can’t give up. That is just not an option, please, please keep fighting, keep venting, keep hoping!
Donna, God bless you for the post you’ve made and how upbeat you’ve managed to stay. Having a downer day is something that we all get, Lord knows I’ve had my share and I certainly expect more. How can we not, but we just have to rant, rave and then get on with it. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, but as you know a positive attitude can work miracles, and you have a wedding to attend in October, so my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there, grin and bear the chemo and know you’ll be there to see her through a wonderful and stessful time.