stage4's Cancer Blog
December 5, 2007
| I Feel Lucky | Views: 464 |
I know the following is not usually the mindset of people that have cancer. You do not have to agree, it is just my opinion and I realize it is not a common one. I am just saying I choose to live like I am dying and if I get more time in this world, great.
I know this sounds crazy but I actually feel kind of lucky I have a very advanced stage 4 cancer. (Colon Cancer tumors in the liver and lungs)
I bet you are saying how could you feel lucky?
I feel lucky because I have had a chance to let everyone close to me know how much I love and appreciate them, confront those that I should have years ago about things and let them know how much they hurt me and forgive them, travel and do a lot of things I always said I would do “somedayâ€, I have helped many other people told by their doctor to get their affairs in order and nothing could be done for them by finding them a great surgeon in a research hospital near them etc etc,
I am finishing a book that will be left for my 22 year old daughter, family for many years to come and other people diagnosed with cancer that are running out of time and their families, apologized to my daughter for the fact I will not be there later in her life.
All the people that died in the World Trade Center did not get this chance, people that die unexpectedly and their families never get this chance.
How many people with cancer are fighting so hard they are in chemo until a day before they die. I couldn’t do it, chemo effects everyone differently. I was fine during the first year or so of it but in the last 6 months of chemo I was so sick I would hope to die in order to stop the suffering.
If I can pull off a win and live a lot longer, great. If not, I have nothing left unsaid or undone. I am not suffering right now, I feel pretty good except for energy, I quit chemo to have this bonus time and be able to do all of these things.
Lucky, in deed.
Donna
06.22.08 - 
Diana Harper 
Thanks for your support -
Donna,
I dont know if you ever got a chance to look into that info I emailed you and maybe you might think it doesnt work but I urge you to travel a little and take a chance by flying to Argentina. You can do the traveling you mentioned and try that immuno therapy.
I am only saying this becasue we just found out my mothers tumor on her lung is gone. She did 6 weeks of radiation and only 2 rounds of chemo with this immuno drug I told you about and the doctors are stumped. I see blogs on here about people selling a miracle drug but this is not the case. I know you dont know me but I feel responsible to get this info out to people that need it.
My biggest fear is losing my mother and I know how your daughter is feeling. You have nothing to lose by trying it out. I feel for you and your family. I am sorry to seem pushy but I truely believe this medicine will help you and I only wish I could find a way to get it in our country to give everyone a chance. My prayers are with you and your family.
-Jennifer
Donna, I can’t tell you how much you and your story means to me. I wish that things were turning out differently but I respect your decisions about where you are going with your life. Please keep posting to us. We need to hear from you. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Carol
Please let me know if you need any help planning your trip I have lots of friends there that can help you get a very nice and cheap place to stay and flights are actually cheap. Also I can help get you info on how to get around without spending a lot of money. You can get a doctors visit next day and it only cost $30 american and a months worth of medicine is only like $75 but trust me its worth it. Please let me know how it goes for you I really believe this can help you!
Donna girl, you are a true inspiration. I’m rooting for you. Go ahead and live your best life and I pray you embrace the best of what it has to offer you. There is no time like now to grab that bull by the horns and make mince meat of it…or whatever you want to make of it! LOL
I think the world is better because you’re in it. You’ve touched so many lives by your wisdom, your generosity and your smiles. Your courage speaks for itself. Your positive outlook on life is unflagging and, girl, you ROCK!
Huge HUG!
Grace
Donna, I admire your out look on life. I watched my husband die from Aids in 1990 and he face his fate which much dignity as you are… Your are always not far from my thoughts. Gob Bless
Cheryl
Dear Donna,
I just finished reading your last entry and I was very sad. I realize that you are tired of being sick and if you are like me you are also tired of being tired. This past week was very difficult for me with extreme projectile vomiting until I felt as though I was getting stabbed in my gut.I am very thankful that I have lived long enough to insure my children’s future ( as best I could) for when I was dx. they were 8, 10, & 16. And my oldest child, Josh really took it very hard and actually he is was recently deployed for the second time to Iraq, he is in the US Marines.
When I have intense pain and I am all alone, I have thought many timess that perhaps my children would be bettter off if I were no longer a burden to them. I have so many mixed emotions that come & go. Keep your chin up. Watch some ridiculously fuuny movie, I see that you live in Fl., my fav place to vacation. Are you close to the beach? I’d love to hear all about it. You can also e-mail me @ Bhappy4ever6@aol.com Hugs & Sweet Dreams, Patty :-)
Donna,
Don’t worry about having an uncommon opinion, however I don’t believe you are in any way more abnormal than the next Stage 4 colon cancer survivor who has been battling this disease for years and has gone through what you have gone through. I love your outlook on life and your statement about “feeling lucky” makes sense to me. Those who are battling a disease, like cancer, are given the gift of time to be able to say their goodbyes and to put their affairs in order. Knowing your fate is such a huge blessing for not just the person who’s sick, but for the loved ones who have to go on. It’s a trade off (quality of life vs. quantity?)and it’s a choice you also get to make. I’m praying for you and right now am crying reading your blog… but I am also inspired by your words and by your courage. Will look forward to reading all of your blogs. Stay strong and God bless.
Hi Donna,
I just wanted to say Hi and when you return I would love to hear all about your trip. Glad you are so busy. Will you be home for the holidays?
You’re in my thoughts, Patty :)
Donna, I couldn’t agree with you more. We have been given a gift. We are able awaken every day and have great appreciation for each sunrise and sunset. Family becomes the main focus and relationships benefit and become stronger. We have a greater insight and understanding of what the ‘bigger picture’ is.
Stage IV is difficult and often frightening…but it is truly a chance to see and appreciate the awe inspiring miracles that take place around us.
My best to you during your journey.
Kathy
Donna thank you for advice. Yes I do no the drugs for my blood count can hurt the joints I remember that from the 2nd round of chemo I had. They kill me when they say minor pain ya minor my you know what. The new drug I am on is where the problems is I can not take any Advil or Morin. So that is why they put me on the Patch which is working. I did get dehydrated on Friday that was one of the problems I am sure of that. I felt dehydrated very dry mouth and my eyes where red and scratchy. So I have made a effort to drink more water and juice. The chemo never bother me like that so I didn’t think of it. Some times I wonder if I made the right decision in doing this Clinical trial There is so much they don’t know about the drug and its effect yet. I guess that is my job. Thanks again for you support and you hang in there also Great respect Cheryl
Dear Donna,
As far as the life insurance I did indeed have Leukemia when I took out the policy and paid double the premiums to not take a physical, which may be wrong but I felt a bit desperate for my children. What I do not understand is 2 years later they are calling me on it. I was advised by legal counsel to not answer any ?????. Also, the Don Cesar charges me only $100.00 per night for a suite that is large enough for 4-5 people. Just a thought
You are an inspiration. My mother has stage four colon cancer and I hear her say that she just wishes everyone could feel the love and support without feeling the cancer.
Your words are inspiring.